my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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