I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Boobs speak an international language.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
