Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
