In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
My cat gives me a boner
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Randomize
