We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
