He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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