I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
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