There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I looked at my own cervix.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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