I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
