If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
