oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
