one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
