I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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