Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
