Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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