his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
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