I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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