What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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