remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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