he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize
