I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
