How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
