Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
only you would photoshop your dick
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
