i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Randomize
