I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
