shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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