Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
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I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
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So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.