I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
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She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
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The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear