The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
