does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
She announced her abortion via fbk
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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