I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
