dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
My liver just had a heart attack.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
