He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
