the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
