Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Randomize
