Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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