"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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