Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
