so that wasnt chicken after all
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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