Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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