I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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