Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Drunk is not a location!
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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