meet me or not, i'm out of control
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
