please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
