I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
