I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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