as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
