Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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