i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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