you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
