I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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