just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
The beer is more important than you right now.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
