i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
