I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
