Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
