I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
