3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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