he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
