Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
