no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
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