i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
