Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
