just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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