Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
