You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
