Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
