I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
