you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Ketchup is God's man juice
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
