Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
