My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
