All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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