This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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