Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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