I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
