After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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