I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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