I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
